Tuesday, August 21, 2007

how do you live with that fat. i ask u man. how do live with that brain. and u know wad. i am fat. but u know wad. ur ugly. and i can diet. letting loose some of my annoyance toward an insult by a less intelligent being. who are u to insult me man.

anyway. today was a rather horrible day. it was boring right from start to nearly the finish. started off with math, was really zombified and so not in the mood for anything. lit was fine today, found myself in a largely cynical mood and probably still am. general paper was crap. u fry ur brain thinking about a logical comprehensive perspective, and some dumbass of a woman says u dominate discussion. and since when was the word discussion ever portrayed or played out in general paper lesson. gawd. some people just lack appreciation for higher order thinking. well, as least mr wahab, for the average but not so excellent teacher that he is, dropped a word of praise that made it all worthwhile. i have a level of respect of the guy, but nevertheless, my facade has to stay and i cant lose sight of my objectiveness till after prelims at least.

so took a long bus ride home. 985 followed by 171 then finally 5. one of those days where u just feel like taking that emotional/reflective ride home. initially, i was intent on blasting lp all the way home, but den i saw matthew at the bus stop. so i hoped off. and thank goodness, for the first time today, i met someone on the same frequency as me that wouldnt make a certain part of me rage to the extent that i would feel like chewing on them, anyway, the same old barker ride home, passed by barker, reminiscent of secondary school days, made me miss barker loads. and its nowonder every monday i keep my mouth shut for a certain segment. nothing beats standing in the midsts of white and blue, in a 99 million dollar school, on the cracked tennis court to be specific, opposite balmoral in bukit timah. you really dont have to be a rocket scientist to guess wad i m talking about.

and sometimes i ask myself, why didnt i push to continue in that white and blue, this time somewhere in dover. and then i look at myself, in black and white, the people here, are indeed black and white. and i m thankful, thankful that i was exposed to the insolent side of this world. take it as experience, take it like going to a war torn country, only to allow you to greater appreciate the comfort, luxury of home. to rejoice in your affluence, largely absent in the lesser educated, and rather desolate place if you know wad i mean. desolate thinking rather. and i thought, shit man, i m gonna get off and blast lp all over again.

and then i saw mao jie. woots. its cool to finally meet someone hu swears, not as blatantly as some people i saw in macs yesterday but someone hu swears and still maintains a level of class, someone of high intelligence and someone hu appreciates the same stuff as you. gp is not one of the most important, it is THE most important. like mao jie said, if u get straight As and u screw up GP, ur still f***ed. and i agree. and only a society of dumbasses wouldnt know that. and he told me that if i got in to smu, the place would be infested in ex blue and whites. that was music to my ears. anyway, i decided after As, i m going back to scouts, not really committed but just to give back wad it gave me. i feel kinda bad for neglecting the uniform of an organisation that gave me so much, but today, it was all gratitude. and once again, on another note, thankful toward the dense population that allowed me to realise how good i am. i mean compared to those on both sides of hillcrest road, the one somewhere in bishan, the one a certain concert hall is named after, the next level of blue and whites from which i was previously from and maybe those with halos 24/7, i aint the best, i may not even be as good as them. but here, i m sure, i know wad i am.

and in this place, of which i hope to make my mark and be firmly out of in 3 months time. i thank this place for being my transitional phase, for allowing me to discover myself without ridicule for those who ridicule have no capacity to surpass and are hence insignificant. and till those 90 days are up. i play Iago, and i say "I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at: I am not what I am." Probably not a genius like the man himself and the playwright was, but in a community where intellect is secondary and blind allegiances are even more rampant, that will be, just enough.

|cowpoo| 7:26 PM|

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